Remembering Luke

It's hard to believe it's been 6 years today since the world as we knew it would be forever changed.

The day that death came to our door.
A tribute to my nephew Luke.
15th Feb 1984 - 2nd Aug 2002

We are a very large family, Mum & Dad, 7 children, 14 grandchildren, 2 sons in law and 2 daughters in law.....we have been so blessed over the years, never before to have experienced the sorrow and grief of losing a loved one so close to us.

Luke was the first born grandson to my parents and because his father had so little to do with him, my father, his grandfather, became his role model.
He had always talked about going to America, he'd made friends with a family in a chat room on the internet who were from Atlanta, Georgia and since then set himself the goal to save enough money so he could travel there to meet them. He worked really hard and even moved to country Victoria to work on a dairy farm, where in a bizarre event his accommodation burned to the ground, in which he was extremely lucky to have escaped from. Of course he reached that goal before too long and he was finally on his way. My sister reluctantly agreed to let him go, really having no other choice and when the day came for him to leave, through tears she waved him farewell. I'm sure if she'd have realised that it would be the last time she would ever see his beautiful face alive, she would have dragged his butt out of the car and locked him in his room, then threw away the key.

In December 2001 Luke finally arrived in America, he saw New York and sent home photos of Ground Zero. He celebrated bringing in the new year in Times Square, visited Wall Street and Central Park. He went to Los Angeles, Florida, Georgia, Alabama and Tennessee.
After his holiday in the US, he went on to the UK to work and save more money so he could go back to the US. He worked in hotels on an ancestors visa, he really didn't enjoy England much, but stuck it out, saved his money and got back to America in July 2002.........

Mum & Dad were a constant presence in his life, he loved and respected them both dearly. Luke kept in regular contact with them while he was away, with AOL and phone calls. He had a web cam so they could see him while they were chatting.
I remember Leandra always threatening the kids if they got out of line that she would tell Grandpa. They soon straightened up because they didn't want their Grandpa to think any less of them, they just wanted their Grandparents to be proud of them....and they were, always.
My dad took the time with Luke as he was growing up to teach him what being a man is all about, set examples and good morals...Luke learned well.

He took care of his mother and two elder sisters, their well being, security and comfort. He helped with the shopping, the washing, the banking and anything else that needed to be done when he thought his Mum needed a bit of an extra hand. He took on the role of the man of the house at a very young age, because his father couldn't be relied upon to always be there for them. The insight and awareness from someone so young is astounding. To know that if you wanted something, you had to work hard and honestly. In this generation where buy now pay later credit society is the norm, he didn't take that road. He worked, he earned, he bought, he paid. Where does someone so young get such a strong sense of himself and the confidence to swim against the current?

It was 8.30am Saturday, a beautiful Queensland winters morning when I got the phone call that would change my very being forever. Leandra, my older sister, said through a trembling, crying voice, "Jose, my baby's dead"!
I was confused, her and I both call all our kids our babies. I said, "Which one"? and she said "Luke, Luke's dead"! I'm not sure what I said to her then, I was in shock, I didn't know what to say. My whole body went limp and I just kept saying through hysterical tears, "Oh my God, no"!
I asked her how she knew and she had told me that two police officers had come to the door and asked if they could come in and sit down...she knew what they were going to say before they uttered a word because the girls were both there with her, she knew that it had to be Luke. Every parents worst nightmare and it had come true for my sister. It had come screaming through her front door like a steam train out of control, sending her whole world upside down. She didn't believe what these two strangers in uniforms, sitting in her lounge room were telling her.
I asked her if she had told anyone else yet and she said that she couldn't contact Mum and Dad because they had gone to the Temple. I told her to ring Kylie, our younger sister, she said she would and hung up.

By this time I had both my children by my side, wondering what was going on. When I told them they just sobbed and went into shock. They had so many questions that I couldn't answer, simply because I didn't know myself. How? When? Where?
I walked around the house in a daze, I live so far away, but I just wanted to be there and put my arms around her and the girls. I was worried about Mum and Dad and what affect the news would have on them, since Dad had so recently undergone open heart surgery. I didn't want them to be told, but of course they had to be.

Joe wasn't home at the time either, so I tried to call him on his mobile, it rang once and then went dead. He had gone to the dentist, I assumed he was in the chair and had switched his phone off as soon as it rang. I felt so helpless. My mind was spinning, first with the horrific news and then with how I was going to get to Melbourne to be with my family. Would Joe and kids be able to cope without me, would I be able to take time off work, could we afford for me to go, how is Lee ever going to get through this, how are any of us going to get through this, he's so far away..why does he have to be so far away? All these questions going through my head at once.

I rang two of my brothers, who both also live on the Gold Coast, first James, he told me, "Don't worry sweetie, I'm on my way" and then Jared, he wasn't home, Aline answered the phoned. I said, "Hi love", she said "Hello", I asked if Jared was there and she said, "No, he's at work, is everything all right"? I said, "No, Lee just rang, Luke's been killed in a car accident"! I heard her gasp for air and lose control for a second, she regained her composure and said, "I'll try and get a hold of him" and hung up.

It wasn't long after that, that Joe got home. Jessica, Jayden and I walked towards him, he had a big grin on his face, one that said, that wasn't fun and I'm glad it's over...and then a puzzled look, because he could see that we were crying. I told him what had happened and he put his big strong arms around us and we all cried together in the hallway of our home.

The next couple of hours are a blur...Joe had organised a flight and he and Jessica had washed and packed clothes for me, while I had a shower and got ready to leave. By this time news had spread and the phone was ringing off the hook, family members checking up on each other for comfort and support.

I can't express enough what a great sense of loss we all felt immediately, even before the shock had set in and worn off. None of us could believe it, none of us wanted to believe it. I kept thinking of all the times I put off sitting down and writing an e-mail to him, just to let him know that I was thinking of him and wondering how he was doing. We had been kept so well in touch with his trip through Lee, all the photo's he had sent home, she would send them all through to us as soon as she got them. She was missing him terribly and worried about him being so far away but she was so proud that he was living his dream and he had made it come true all on his own. It takes a gutsy person to do what he did without a traveling companion, let alone a seventeen year old kid...but then again that may have been in his favour. He was so young and maybe a little naive about the dangers. Life at that age is endless...or so we think!

The week I spent in Melbourne, with my Mum and Dad, my sisters, nieces and nephews and my only brother that lives there were full of mixed emotions and I can tell you we ran through the whole gammit of them. We had never loved each other and also hated some traits in some of us more than for those few days we spent mourning the loss of one of the links in our family chain and preparing our last farewell for him.
We were kept busy with the normal expected details of preparing a funeral, then also with the added burden of trying to bring our beloved Luke home to us from another country, a country that we we're unfamiliar with the sorts of laws and regulations that were involved. I hate to think what Mum and Dad's phone bill was like by the end of that month...but as is always the case these things have a way of working out and with a lot of help from the most beautiful, compassionate, loving, caring people from my Mum and Dad's church, everything came together beautifully.

My family, Joe, Jessica and Jayden arrived with my cousin Lynda, (who became very close to Luke after he moved up here for a little while. They even met up in England, when she was overseas and she really was the last person from our family to have seen and spent time with him) from the Gold Coast on Saturday. It was such a relief to have them there with us, I was starting to burn out from grief and lack of sleep, it was as if the back up calvary had arrived. Then my brothers, James and Jared and Jared's partner Aline arrived on Monday...the only people missing were Jared and Alines two boys and my brother Darren and his family who were unable to get away from Vietnam where they'd been working and I know that it wasn't for the lack of trying. Darren is really the "brick" in our family and we all desperately needed him to be there. I knew I had a big pair of shoes to fill in his absence and I hope I did you proud Dags!

Tuesday 13th, 2002. It had been 11 days after the tragic news and we were all gathered together, family, friends, acquaintances, even Joe's Mum and Dad, brother Ralph and sister-in-law Anna had traveled from Tooleybuc. The church was packed, right to the back, we were all there to say our final good bye to a young man with an old soul, who had packed such a lot of adventures into his short 18 years, who had achieved things men twice his age can only dream of. Who had touched and impacted so many people from so many different walks of life, young and old.

You are a credit to those who loved you Luke. You now go on to a much more peaceful place, where there are no wars, disease or hunger, no tears and no fears, no hatred or disdain. While we that are left behind are filled with heavy hearts and beautiful memories of your short but sweet life.

We will remember and talk of you fondly forever and we will tell our children and our grandchildren of our brave and sweet Luke who set goals and never let anything get in the way of achieving them, I pray that your courage will influence all our lives for as long as we live.
Until we met again,
Loving you always,
Aunty Jose xxxx

Dr Bekker

Well, I've been acquainting myself with yet another of the local medical practitioners here. In the first few days of arriving, I met the doctor and then the dentist, now I am on very friendly terms with the local Chiropractor and I’m also helping him with his kids private school tuition fees.
Yeah I know, I’m very generous.

I’ve been suffering with a very annoying sore lower back with the pain travelling down to my butt and leg, so bad in fact that the first thing I do in the morning after I get out of bed is take some nurofen for the pain, once it kicks in it makes it easier to get in and out of the shower and dress myself. So my new friend Dr Johann Bekker thought that I could benefit from:

Acupuncture (from Lat. acus, 'a needle', and pungere, 'to prick') is the practice of inserting very thin needles in particular points on the body to improve health and well-being, and is one component of traditional Oriental medicine. It has long been used by the Chinese for a wide variety of health complaints, and is practised throughout Asia. The practice of acupuncture is at least 2000 years old.

(see picture of the human pin cushion below) – Ouch!

After 4 visits and a surplus of ‘all natural’ medication which I have been taking religiously, I really don’t feel any better at all, so I cancelled my appointment with Dr Bekker that I had scheduled for today and I’ve made another one with a different ‘bone cruncher’ tomorrow – I feel a little bad for poor (bad choice of words) Dr Bekker and it feels a little like I’m cheating on him, but I need to get rid of this God awful pain I’m waking up with.

There are a few people that I wanted to thank and mention just because they are so great, often leaving me messages in the comments box to the right of my blog page!

Firstly little Laura – thank you so much for your love, support and the sweet messages you leave for me on my blog. I am so excited that you did so well in soccer and I truly wish I could be in the crowd cheering you on in your next game – just know that I will be there in spirit for you, always.

Then there’s my gorgeous girlfriend Joanne – thank you for the many, many phone calls and keeping in touch since we’ve been here – I miss you too! I really hope everything is going well with your new job and that it’s all you hoped it would be – say hi to Andy and the kids and give Aaron a couple of soft hugs from his Aunty Jo.

Now to my brother James who has also stayed in regular contact by phone and also by webcam – he’s actually started something with more and more of the family getting themselves set up to be able to video call – it’s so great that everyone is so keen to keep in touch. Also James, thank you so much for all you did in getting me the Fusion program so that I can use my Apple in Windows – to let you know, I have successfully installed it and given a little more spare time, I’ll actually be able to use the darn thing real soon! Thanks again for all the running around you did.

One more person I’d like to mention is my new ‘old friend’ Glenn. Glenn and I went to school together – too many years ago to mention and we found each other on the Friends Reunited site quite recently and have rekindled our friendship, which of course is much different now than it was then. We seem to be somewhat kindred spirits, both sensitive and artistic souls that relate to each other in a really beautiful, comfortable way. I’m really enjoying the contact and our conversations – thank you Glenn for being responsible for at least some of the smiles that appear on my face each day.

To my beautiful Uncle Noel, my love and thoughts are with you right now as you start out on the road to recovery after your shoulder reconstruction operation today. I’m waiting to hear the news of how it went, but I’m sure you will fighting fit again before we know it and being just as cheeky as ever. I love you and take care.

Lastly, but not least - to Mark & Vicki - We are so sorry we didn't call in on our way up and Joe is going to ring and beg for your forgiveness really soon! So now that you've got a heads up, you can decide whether you're going to let him off the hook or not! Talk to you soon xx

With being so busy and working so many hours, I have a growing list of things that I want and need to do - updating my blog is now one that I can cross off - at least for a few more days.

Before and After..

We have now finished our first week and Joe has added up our hours....100 between us!!
No wonder I'm exhausted!
I know that we've achieved a lot in the past few days, although it's hard to see the progress. I think the mental order of things is just as important as the physical - what's that saying:

'If you can dream it - you can do it'

Now I just have to get my head down and just get on with it - putting one foot in front of the other. I'm going to look forward to reading this post in a few months time and hopefully by then I can laugh off how stressed and inadequate I've been feeling.

So in the meantime, while I'm finding my feet, I thought I would share the blood, sweat and tears and yes, there were some of each of these things it took to set up our new home and some of the before photos so you can appreciate the change a little more...

(I thought I had a before photo of this room, but I can't find it)

I'm trying so hard to learn

Thursday 10th July 2008

OH MY LORD!!
What have we done?? Why at this time of my life would I put myself through this?
We’ve hardly had time to come up for air since we arrived here last Thursday. I thought the whole move thing was overwhelming – that ain’t nothing baby, compared to the party we’re throwing now!
What the hell was I thinking??
Between staff, invoices, till balancing, banking, staff, finding mistakes on the till rolls, ordering stock, talking to reps, fixing mistakes on the till rolls, staff, facing up stock, putting orders away, making notes on changes that HAVE to be made, oh and did I mention STAFF!!
They are not happy with our arrival. You have to realise that it is a small town and some of these people (mostly women) have been working here for years, they have experienced a lot of management changes and they are well aware that we are very ‘green’ at all this. Then there is the noise to contend with, we hear everything living upstairs, then when it’s time for bed, we can even hear them talking, you obviously can’t make out what they’re saying, but you hear the murmur of their voices and the banging and clanging that happens in any kitchen. The trucks below our bedroom window and their engines idling are all things I’m sure with time we’ll get used to (let’s pray).

I’ve told Joe that I’m going to make a concerted effort to stick it out for at least 3 months but if I find that I’m either not coping or not enjoying it here, that I will just go out and get a ‘normal’ job. So we’ll see how I go.
Ok, it’s getting very late and I have another 15-hour working day to get through tomorrow – yay, what fun, I don’t know how I got so lucky?
Cross everything that I will learn well tomorrow and that things will start to make some sense to me! xx

Finally!!! I'm back.....

Is there no end to the torture of relocating?

The different stages of emotion - excitement, enthusiasm, exhaustion and lastly, the I’m so over it stage, working its way into the mix and as is so typical of my life – It’s always all or nothing with me.

Firstly we had a cleaning dilemma, which ended in tears and yes, they were mine! It just felt like the whole process of packing and cleaning was dragging on forever.
This morning, we got up feeling really good about not having to stress about the house anymore, it was all taken care of (or so we stupidly thought). We drove over there and I did a walk through just to check out what they had done and was horrified to see that it had been a very slap happy job!! There were too many things that hadn't been done to even mention.
Joe got on the phone to the woman who had come out to quote and she virtually told us that we were lying and that they had never had anyone complain before. After arguing back and forth for a while, I realised that she wasn't listening to us and she ultimately told us if she got the cleaner to come back out, that there would be an extra charge. FOR WHAT?? - NOT HAPPY!
We soon realised, we had no leg to stand on, we had paid them when they left - in cash - and we still haven't received a receipt and on top of that we were running out of time and we couldn’t afford to waste another day just waiting around for them to be good and ready to come back.
On top of it all, I started to feel a little fluey – of course I did, now that I don’t have any ‘sick leave’!! Sure enough within a couple of days, the bad sore throat had turned into full-blown flu.
Like the little trooper I am though, I soldiered on.

Since we were officially homeless by Sunday 29th, we were very grateful to be given the invitation to be roomies with Jo, Andy, Aaron and Madison for the next few days. We couldn’t have felt more welcome or loved.
Aaron is our 12-year-old godson and a really special kid; we love him a lot and I know the feeling is mutual. He is very independent and manages household chores amazingly well (he would put my 20 yr old to shame).
He even cooked us pizza for tea on our last night there, he didn’t want or need any help and rightly so, he very confidently made peperoni & cheese and ham & pineapple pizzas and they were very yummy – good job Aaron!
We’re looking forward to lots of visits from them while we are up here and Aaron has already told us that he wants to be put to work and earn some money. We’re thinking maybe next school holidays he could come up and stay with us. Kids keep you young and help you to stay in touch with the ever changing, fast paced world we live in.

So it’s three o’clock am, Thursday 3rd July and all I’m hearing is this high pitch, beep – beep – beep!! The alarm! It’s now officially the start of our new life. We we’re really careful not to make too much noise – didn’t want to wake the roomies- then have to say our goodbyes all over again (I hate goodbyes)!! So at around four o’clock we just slipped away into the darkness without any fanfare, just the way I like it.

It wasn’t a very comfortable trip, feeling as lousy as I did. We stopped in at Eight Mile Plains (one of Joe’s old ‘Freedom’ haunts) for some water so I could take my cold & flu tablets. Our next stop was around 6am for brekky and a toilet break at Maccas in Gympie. As we were walking back to the car, I noticed that I had what felt like part of one of my back teeth missing. I had a look in the mirror on my sun visor and saw that I had lost a filling – Eww!! What next?? The rest of our road trip was uneventful and we were blessed with beautiful travelling weather. We did get stuck behind some wide load trucks a couple of times, but we were in no hurry, so sitting behind them for a few k’s didn’t matter too much.

We arrived at our new life in Calliope at around 11.30am and hit the ground running, we’ve hardly stopped since. We got stuck straight into unpacking and trying to organise our new ‘home’.
It didn’t look like much when we started but four days later and I’m really happy with the end result. It’s really cosy and it has all our favourite things displayed, especially beautiful family photos, so everyone we love are all around us all the time, you can’t help but think about them when you see their precious faces that we already miss so much.

We we’re supposed to officially start tomorrow (Monday) 7th July 2008, but of course Joe hasn’t been able to help himself and has spent a lot of the weekend downstairs, making himself known to staff and customers, learning the layout of the place and marking his territory. Because I have been so ill, I haven’t ventured downstairs at all since we’ve been here, so I’m sure the staff here think that I am merely a myth and don’t believe that I actually exist.
Tomorrow for me is a very daunting consideration but unless I take the steps, literally, towards the beginning of whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing here and for however the length of time we are here for, the entire expedition will be without value.

And of course the story continues….

These are some photos of my farewell from Konica Minolta night out on the 27th June. It unfortunately wasn't a great night having had some dramas attached to it (of course - but that's a whole other story) these photos were taken before all the unpleasantness began. Believe me, it was all down hill after that!

So much to catch up on!

I have been in moving mayhem, it just seems to have taken control of my life!!
I needed to get Jessica's birthday photos up first because it seems like such a long time ago, even though it was only last Tuesday.
So much has happened since then, with me finishing up at work and then getting the house organised for the removalists.
But back to Jessica first. Joe, Jayden and I went into Brisbane so that we could have dinner and birthday cake with her. I finished work early, went home to change then got in there around 6.00 - Ray still wasn't home, he had to come via Sunnybank so that he could pick up the present that he had bought her. A gorgeous gold chain bracelet, all shiny and new.
We had tea at the Wynham Tavern and we're surprised at how spectacular the food was. Joe and Jayden had Wagu steak and salad, Ray had the pasta carbonara, Jessica the parmigiana and salad and I had the Thai beef salad - to die for!

We had a really fun night and I was trying really hard not to think about the fact that it was probably the last time we would all be together for quite a while. I didn't want to make it about me and the way I was feeling, but more to make Jessica feel special.

Although, anyone who knows me will know the 'I'm leaving soon card, would be something too hard not to play, so I'd better take lots of photos of us all together now'!
As you can see - it worked.

Ok, so much more has happened since then, so I'll be back tomorrow with the next installment!! It's getting very late and we've got another big day of, yes you guessed it - MOVING!

It's no fun moving!

Yes, we are packing up the house and at the moment my life, which until recently had some sense of order and normalcy, has in just a few short weeks been replaced with utter chaos and uncertainty.
While Joe's not working, he's doing a lot of the cleaning - YAY!!
Yesterday he did the windows and inside tracks and the ceiling fans. Today, I don't know what he was thinking, but he thought he had time to play a quick 9 holes of golf with some buddies - I let him get away with it today, but tomorrow by gosh, it's back to work buddy, the oven is filthy and needs some attention. (only kidding honey).
I try and get a couple of boxes packed each night, because he's not allowed to. I'm just afraid that I'm going to get up there and find half 'my stuff' has been left at a Gold Coast dump! I am such a hoarder and he's just not. He just doesn't understand the sentimental value of 'stuff'!
I think it's probably a boy thing.
We aren't taking any beds - we have a waterbed, it's the only type we've ever had, but we've decided that we are going to try a mattress and base (that should be interesting).
Jayden is taking his bed of course, then we have both the kids king single beds, that we bought when each of them was ready to go into a 'big bed' when they were two. One of them is going to one of my girlfriends for her son and she's trying to find an owner for the other one for me.
Jayden is taking the fridge, because the residence at Calliope already has one, and our dining room suite will be too big for the small kitchen we're going to, but we're taking it and storing it up there.
At this moment I have about three different piles growing in what used to be my lounge room. 1.Chucking 2.Giving away 3.Cash Converters. So as you can see, I will be very glad when at least this end is done...then we get to do it all over again at the other end.
(Have I told you how much I hate moving?)

Work is frantic at the moment, I'm so snowed under, I hardly have time to sneeze. They've only just organised interviews, which will be happening next Tuesday and because there's been such a huge response to the ad, they're doing an initial 'cattle call' style meeting, with three groups of 12 starting at 8.30, then at 12.30 and the last one at 4 - then a second interview on Thursday for a 'lucky' few. Did I tell you they are replacing me with 2 people!! I couldn't believe it, in a way I'm flattered, but then when I think about it ...... no don't even let me start!
'Wax on - Wax off'
Anyway, I can't imagine they are going to have my replacementS in time for me to teach them anything before I leave next Friday.
I am quietly enjoying the fact that I've caused so much chaos and that the cracks are starting to show in their 'I don't care that Jo is leaving' attitude.

********************************************************

It was Jayden's birthday on Tuesday, he turned 20! As you can see, my baby is all grown - when did that happen? I swear I only looked away for a minute, then my little boy changed into a man.
After we move away, I'm really going to miss his sweet smile and big bear hugs, talking in the morning before he goes to work, cooking something and having him tell me it's the best he's ever tasted. What I won't miss is his messy room, smelly clothes or his whiskers all over the bathroom basin.
I was sitting at my desk at work yesterday, when my phoned beeped, telling me I had a message. My sweet boy had just wanted to tell me that he loved me. What made it so special is that it barely never happens. I sent a message back telling him he was the sweetest child in the world and that he was my most very favourite son!

Jayden, Col and Ryan

Joe and Jayden


Jayden with his cake


Joe, Jayden & Joanne


Jayden's birthday cake

Now we get to do it all over again next Tuesday for Jessica's 22nd birthday. Joe, Jayden and I are going into Brisbane to have dinner and birthday cake with her and Ray.
Then we have to get ready for next year - a 21st and a wedding!!!!